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The "Rubber" Poem

The "RUBBER" Poem

I

kissing is a Habit;

f*cking is a Game;

guys get the Pleasure;

girls get the Pain;

II

d guy says: " I luv u!";

you believe its True;

When your tummy Swells;

he says:"Hu d' hell r u?!"

III

5 hours of Pleasure;

9 months of Pain;

2 days in the hospital;

& a BABY without a Name;

IV

the girl gets the Pleasure;

the guy gets the Pain;

vice versa is the Game;

STD is the Name;

V

This would've NOT happened;

if the RUBBER was put on;

be Safe;

Spread the Message!

Guide to Success:Offline and Online

This short list should guide you through a successful life!

1) If you want your dreams to come true, DONT oversleep!

2) The 10 Commandments are not multiple choices.

3) Ideas wouldn't work unless you move.

4) One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.

5) A turtle makes progress when it sticks its head out.

6) The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intentions.

7) One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

8) One thing you can give and still keep is your word.

9) BE OPTIMISTIC: Don't worry too much about the people you hate, eventually they'll gonna die, JUST be very, very PATIENT.

10) Always REMEMBER that no matter how BAD you are, you are NOT entirely USELESS...

YOU can ALWAYS be USED as a BAD EXAMPLE!!!

A Thought on Darwin's"Origin of Man"

I was browsing the the news this morning when an article caught my eye about scientists commenting that Darwin's "Origin of Man" theory is feasible.

The article made me wonder, Darwin's theory states that man evolved from apes. If so, how come there are people who looks like a horse or a pig?

Do you think they're of another theory?


(No disrespect intended, just a random thought.)

Confessions of an Alcoholic

Sometimes, when I reflect back on the Beer and Wine I drank I feel very ashamed. Then I'd look into the empty glass and thought of the workers in the Brewery with all their Hopes and Dreams. If I don't drink Beer and Wine, they might be out of work and their hopes and dreams would be shattered!

Then, I'd say to myself," It is better to drink these Beer and Wine and let their hopes and dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver."

One Wish

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9 inches high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful Piece by Mozart!

'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.
This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says : 'Here. Rub it.'
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

'I will grant you one wish.. Just one wish... each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want A million bucks!'
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they just keep coming, duck after duck after duck!

The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your Genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks.'

'No shit!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?'

House of a Thousand Mirrors

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors.

A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house.

He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door.

When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Cute Questions Asked By Kids

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
*******

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
*******

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
*******

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
*******

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
*******

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
*******

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
*******

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "mine says I'm four to six."
*******

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
*******

Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
*******

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs,"
she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants

Lipstick!

According to a news report, a certain private school in Sydney was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.


After they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.


Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.


Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.


She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.


She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night - (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).


To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.


He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.


Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror..


************ *

Moral to this story:-


There are teachers.... and then there are educators..

Some Rules are Meant NOT to be Followed!

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling..... ....... My name is John Darling."


"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "

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